One Week

I know it's a little late in coming, but I've promised to start a trip blog to keep everyone updated.
So here it is! I won't be able to disclose all the details for safety reasons, but I'm hoping to share my journey with everyone who has so lovingly supported me.

So...I leave in one week. Seven days. 168 hours...well about 163 hours to be precise. Not that any one's counting of course.

People keep asking me how I feel, if I'm excited or nervous. I always answer both. In these last few days of preparation, I find myself making thousands of lists in my head, panicking, and thinking of creative ways to pack only 25 lbs. in my carry on suitcase. Deep breaths.
(Yeah, I'm one of those girls who thinks it's necessary to pack her entire wardrobe for two weeks. Not going to happen.)

But the more I stress myself out, I hear a quiet voice whispering "Be still, beloved."
As many of you know, I've been sick for about a week now, and I feel like I've had plenty of 'still' time.
But the more I listen, the more I realize being still doesn't mean physical rest.
Actually, the hours of rest have been a trying time internally. As the reality of what I'm about to embark upon sinks in, I keep falling back on how completely unworthy I am.

One of the many things I struggle with is my tendency to hold on to my sin. To not let Christ's mercy be enough, and to constantly be in a state of guilt.
There most likely will be people asking about the Gospel, people my age, who have grown up in the darkness of Islam. Who am I to try to explain it?
I'm so afraid I'll lead them astray in my feeble attempts to present the Truth. I feel like I need years of training and maybe a nice pamphlet to refer to.

Couldn't I have just signed up for a nice trip where my only complaint was that I didn't have enough hands for the amount of babies I was trying to hold?
But that's just it. Christ doesn't call us to be comfortable. Not at all. Of course He loves us, and desires good for all His children, but as Believers, we're called to be something peculiar. Odd even. It goes against everything in our sinful nature to forgive an enemy, to extend kindness to the unlovely, to open our homes to a stranger. None of that is comfortable. Not at all.

I know for certain God wants me on this trip. Me specifically. In this timing exactly. Not after years of training, but right now. God uses the unlikely as His servants. What does it matter if I feel unworthy? He wants me there. And like Isaiah, I will surrender my own fears and say: "Here I am! Send me!"

Just recently, several incidents and people have brought to my attention the modern tendency to make short term missions all about 'me'. Your own experience, your change of heart, what you take away. That is part of the beauty of servant hood: when we care for others, we realize how needy we ourselves are.
But I don't want to be focused on myself. I want to be completely and utterly immersed in Jesus. I want His words to flow from my lips, His love to overflow in my actions. I want to see Him in every part, beautiful or broken, of this trip.

So, in stead of focusing on the details, or last minute purchases, or any of the other million things I need to do, I'm resting in God's promises. I'm preparing my heart to give beyond what I think possible.
Even now, I feel so much lighter.
"If my God is with me, whom then shall I fear?"
I'm reveling in the joy of the Lord, in His love that is the bond of perfection!
"Be still, beloved."
I will be still, in spirit and heart, and listen to God's voice and not my own.

Ways to pray for me:
1. To be drawn closer to God in these last few days of preparation.
2. To be used in anyway possible to glorify Him while there.
3. For a boldness and clarity in presenting the Word to those who are seeking.
4. For creativity and wisdom in planning and teaching the after school dance clinic.
5. Safety in travel, and while we're there. That God would make us invisible to any enemies.
6. Continued recovery from this darned cold.

Thank you all so much for your support, love, and prayer.

Hosea 6:1-3
"Come, and let us return to the Lord.
For He has torn, but He will heal us.
He has stricken us, but He will bind us up.
After two days He will revive us.
On the third day He will raise us up,
That we may live in His sight .
Let us know,
Let us pursue the knowledge of the Lord.
His going forth is established as the morning;
He will come to us like the rain,
Like the latter and former rain to the earth."